I used to publish a blog of lesbian erotica under the name of C.W. Toklas. It contained erotic stories, butch/femme sexual fantasies with elements of D/s written by a lesbian, for other lesbians. I had a lot of good feedback from other lesbians who enjoyed reading something written by an actual lesbian and liked that it wasn’t so “vanilla”. While radfems may like to claim that all “real lesbian sex” (read NOT lesbian) is by its very nature vanilla because there is no man involved *rolls eyes*, real lesbians will tell you a different story. We really enjoy sex, we like to fuck, some of us enjoy role-play, some of us prefer to top/bottom, some of us like sex-toys, some of us don’t etc. What we all have in common is that we are lesbians and we sexually desire the body of our female partner/s. There are no “rules” when it comes to sex.
So, back to my blog, while my work did technically come under the heading of “BDSM”, I did not write age-play or rape fantasies, both of which I find repellant. Unfortunately, my work attracted a different crowd, one I was not prepared for. The blog attracted a following of men who claimed to be lesbian and some used anime characters as profile pics. To be honest, I was disgusted that my writing was being “used” in this way and pulled the blog off the internet. I no longer want to publish my writing in any form because I don’t want it to be used by men.
As a lesbian, I was aware of the dangers that “trans” ideology posed for homosexuals, but I didn’t realise that so many males who ID as transgender were basing their “ID” on their sexual fantasies. There is nothing wrong with sexual fantasies per se, but when they become a basis for a real life identification that impacts upon others, it is a BIG problem.
I still write, occasionally, and I still think about publishing, there are some publishing houses that produce compilations of lesbian erotica, but many of them are very “queer” rather than lesbian focused and I worry about where my stories will end up and what kind of publishing establishment I will be supporting. I thought about self publishing on amazon, but again, the thought of men jerking off to my work makes my want to vomit, so for now I have a folder on my laptop full of unread erotica that I write for my own amusement and I don’t know what to do with it.
I have come to detest the word queer and the way in which it blankets an incredibly diverse community with extremely different and usually oppositional view points. I think that the experience of homophobia is different for those of us who are homosexual, as opposed to those who are straight/bi etc. Don’t get me wrong, anyone perceived to be homosexual or in a same-sex relationship can experience homophobic discrimination, but for us it is an attack on our very being as opposed to our choice of partner. We don’t have a choice or a way out. Well, some of us choose to transition as a way out, but that’s hardly a solution and can be both physically and psychologically destructive. The war on the lesbian psyche is very real and it’s coming from within the “queer” community. To many lesbians, particularly those over 30, “queer” merely means straight craving a sense of individuality and a new cool label under the queer umbrella. That is what we see and why most of us give the “queer community” a giant “fuck you” and go out own way. There is a really deep divide to the point that lesbians like myself get more respect from hets than our own supposed community. At least they acknowledge our existence and don’t try to co-opt our very name and lecture us about how our very existence is transphobic.
Lesbians need to turn our backs on a community that has done us more harm than good.
Romantic love is always about the erotic, it cannot exist without sexual passion and desire. When writing fiction, I think it is always good to portray the eroticism in lesbian relationships. It’s real, it’s who we are, how we feel and what we do. It shows to ourselves and to others that our erotic feelings are real and that they cannot be discounted by a straight world that struggles to come to terms with our existence.
I haven’t blogged for a while and I have been thinking a lot about the direction I want to take. But honestly, fuck it, I’ll write what I feel like writing and it will be a mix of everything that takes my interest.
At the moment I am interested in Goddesses, uncovering female history, trying to find something, anything, authentically female in the historical sources that have come down to us. Honestly, it’s not easy, because everything has a layer of semen on it. I mean this figuratively of course. Men have this habit of taking everything from us and turning it against us. But I don’t want to talk about them, they don’t interest me.
I am particularly looking for authentic lesbian history. Again, it’s obscured by not only men, but by women too. The majority smears our stories with their interpretation and feeds them back to us, forever tainted.
Vilified across the centuries, forever hidden. Maligned by all cultures throughout the globe. Yet we persist, biology persists, they can’t erase us despite their attempts. We just keep coming back.
I will write about our now, and our then, in order to serve our future.
We need our own culture, we need our own names and rituals. We need to preserve the ones we have and create new ones to hand down to future lesbians. So that they can have something to cling to in the dark.